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Was not looking forward towards digging this up

But I have to progress, in the mud I was stuck

Got the call out of nowhere, something happened to Mom, you need to drive up

The news hit hard like being struck by a truck

The only thought racing thru my head was what the …

I was down in North Carolina, hopped right onto Ninety-Five

Ready to embark on that grueling nine hour drive

Beginning of March, blizzard the entire way, what a mess

Could barely see the road, totally blinded by the stress

Trying to calm my mind, stop thinking about it, don’t obsess

But my cell rang just three days before

You coulda said something, I woulda ran out the door

It seems so easy, simply pick up the phone

You didn’t have to feel like you were there all alone

The second I heard you ask I would have come home

About to dump some deep shit out in this poem

Growing up with a single mom, I know you did the best you could

Anything I wanted or needed, whatever it took you would

Do it for your boy, your handsome little man

From Florida to San Francisco, back to Jersey we ran

Never losing confidence, always convinced me you had a plan

We always lived next to some water or sand

People thought I was Mexican I was so tan

Trudged into Jersey, a fresh coat of snow

Roads hadn’t been touched, don’t know how we avoided a tow

Pulled up to the hospital, stormed into that room

That feeling was heavy, unique, impending doom

Got a false sense of hope when you opened your eyes

Thought I could make some calls, a happy surprise

Much to my dismay I spoke way too soon

The end was near, that dark cloud it would loom

Me and Em would come up real late every night to visit

I preferred it that way, just me you and her

Not quite sure how long you laid there, it was all such a blur

I came late at night so no one would hear me crying, screaming

Couldn’t comprehend, wake me up, I must be dreaming

That last night I saw you still stands out in my mind

The decisions I made still put me in a bind

I stayed as long as I could, holding your hand

Couldn’t take it anymore, I just couldn’t stand

Hearing that sound of your struggling breath

Couldn’t look at you anymore, I was blinded by death

Got the call that next morning right around seven

‘So sorry to tell you, your Mom, shes in Heaven’

Unfortunately I chose not to get out of my bed

I didn’t want to see you like that, thought it woulda messed with my head

Chose to just lay there, think myself crazy instead

Couldn’t get back to sleep, and didn’t want to cry

Couldn’t comprehend, that’s my rock, she cant die

Thought I could numb all that pain by getting high

Was trying to make sense of all this hectic confusion

It all seemed like a haze, a mental illusion

In my mind I thought for sure I had found the solution

Ran to the bathroom, crushed up and snorted

No wonder my thinking was so damn distorted

Could barely stand at your funeral, so disgustingly high

I was embarrassed to look my friends and family in the eye

My body was present, my mind in a far distant land

One thing that stands out is Jenna holding my hand

I held up my end of the deal by playing that song

Some people smiled, some thought it was wrong

When I was young we promised to play Another One Bites the Dust

I had no other option, it was simply a must

Im thankful that I did it, and that you had gone first

Couldn’t imagine your pain, driving around with me in the back of a hearse

Uncontrollable anger and fury, so fucking pissed

Why now? Think of all the stuff that you’ve missed

You were supposed to be a guest at Laurens sweet sixteen

You were everything to her, her buddy, her queen

My present to her, I taught her how to drive your car

No need to worry, we didn’t go far

Just around the neighborhood a couple of times

She would have made you proud, stayed right between the lines

The days after you passed we packed up your things

That stuffs still in storage, that hurts, it stings

I know that I’ll get it, someday soon

I’ll have a little part of you with me, in my own room

The following months were clouded with rain

Just couldn’t process, flooded with pain

Didn’t know where to point the finger, not sure who to blame

I would look up at the sky and loudly proclaim

How could you do this, hope you feel eternal shame

Spent so many late nights, just sitting and drinking

Staring at the walls, eyes not even blinking

Sad music blasting, crying, thinking

My life wasn’t right, capsized, I was sinking

Not too long ago, you came to me in a dream

Pretty powerful stuff, with a very clear theme

The life that I’m living, enough is enough

Time to be a man, fight the battle, be tough

You kept repeating the same thing:  Time to STOP

Lets clean up my life, grab a broom and a mop

Ive stopped self medicating, numbing the pain away

Cant tell you how much easier it is to live, Just For Today

I stand under the sun, and feel you from above

Something about that light, my whole body warm with your love

I look up at the stars and talk to the moon

I’ll see you again, but hopefully not to soon

Now I reflect on all the great times we had

No more anger, no more feeling sad

I think back on your life, how could I be mad

You’re laughing up there, with your Mom and your Dad

To be reunited with your parents, you’ve got to be glad

Mom I cant tell you how much I truly miss you

Every single day I wish I could hug you, could kiss you

Even if I couldn’t talk you out of your choice

One last time I wish I could have heard the sound of your voice

I think of you around the clock, all the time

You’re the person to whom I dedicate each and every rhyme

It pains me to this day, Im not gonna lie

Don’t even remember if I said I love you, before that last goodbye

So now here’s my chance to make it all right

I’ll go outside and glance up late at night

Can’t truly explain how much you are missed

But I can look up, show my love, send a kiss



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